Today at 3 PM, the NBA’s trade window will close, meaning that in the next 45 minutes chaos will ensue as teams scramble to finalize their roster for the rest of the season. 

All of this got me thinking: What would a musical trade deadline look like? What if, before summer festival season, bands had to finalize their lineups and make moves to improve their lineups before hitting the big stages across the country? Oh, the possibilities.  

Let’s have some fun with these hypothetical musical trades. 

moe. Trade Al Schnier to School of Rock for Brandon Niederauer 

moe. made an investment in their future with the acquisition of guitarist Brandon Niederauer, all but ensuring that the boy-wonder axe man for the School of Rock production will be the centerpiece of a forthcoming “youth movement” for the group. The band parted ways with longtime guitarist Al Schnier who will go on to fulfill his dream of performing on Broadway. 

Phil Lesh Continues Pursuit of Free Agent Ryan Adams, Deals Stanley Jordan and John Kadlecik 

It’s been long rumored that the Grateful Dead bassist has been eyeing PAX-AM free agent Ryan Adams, as he looks to add depth to his Friends lineup. Lesh made a few moves in pursuit of Adams this offseason, clearing space by sending Stanley Jordan to The Disco Biscuits for Aron Magner and shipping John Kadlecik to familiar territory as he joins Joe Russo’s Almost Dead with Tom Hamilton heading over to Lesh’s camp.

Adams will be a free agent this summer and Lesh will have the cap room to welcome back an old friend and collaborator. The guitarist recently gushed about Lesh on a podcast with Marc Maron, so maybe the interest is mutual. 

Kadlecik is expected to be bought out by Almost Dead, with Aaron or Bryce Dessner rumored to fill his role. 

Umphrey’s McGee Trade Joel Cummins to Spafford for Cash and Booze

Reportedly displeased with his recent relationship with Spafford and fearing he may bolt to the up and coming jamband in the offseason, Umphrey’s McGee parted ways with keyboardist Joel Cummins, granting his wish and dealing him to Spafford in exchange for cash and booze. The salary dump for Umphrey’s frees up some cap space after giving drummer Kris Myers a huge new contract last year that put them squarely in the luxury tax.

Sources say the band is eyeing replacements for Cummins in the future, with Marco Benevento, Kyle Hollingsworth and Holly Bowling named as potential candidates. Bowling recently played with the band (and, awkwardly enough, welcomed Cummins during her show) during their Grand Rapids stop.

The decision to part with Cummins comes as a surprise to many, although Brendan Bayliss was reportedly caught saying after a recent show, “We played without Jake for a week, how hard can it be to play without Joel?” 

Phish Deal Jon Fishman to Tedeschi Trucks Band for Drum Duo, Saxophone Player

The surprise of the trade deadline came when Phish flipped their longtime drummer Jon Fishman, signaling a shift in musical direction as the group sends Fish to the Tedeschi Trucks Band (a group with the depth of assets akin to Susan Tedeschi’s Boston Celtics) for their drumming duo of J.J. Johnson and Tyler Greenwell as well as saxophonist Kebbi Williams. 

Sources say that in addition to employing two drummers a la the Grateful Dead, Phish intend to call up Natalie Cressman and Jennifer Hartswick to join Williams in a new revamped horn section that’ll tour with Phish throughout their 13-nights at Madison Square Garden. Phish previewed life with a full-time horn section during their New Year’s Eve show at the very same venue. 

Yes, this would be fun.