Eddie Vedder remained one of the closest people to Chris Cornell to not make a statement about the Soundgarden frontman’s tragic passing until last night during his solo show in London, where he discussed the various emotions and memories shared with Cornell throughout his life. 

While Vedder never mentioned Cornell by name, he did speak about losing a “really close friend of mine” and also mentioning his own brother, who passed away two years ago “tragically like that in an accident.” 

“I want to be there for the family, be there for the community, be there for my brothers in my band, certainly the brothers in his band,” Vedder said. “You know, he wasn’t just a friend, he was someone I looked up to like my older brother.” 

The Pearl Jam frontman also recalled a moment just days after the news of Cornell’s death shocked the world, when he awoke in the middle of the night suddenly. “We were sleeping in this little cabin near the water, a place he would’ve loved,” Vedder recalled. “And all these memories started coming in about 1:30 AM like woke me up. Like big memories, memories I would think about all the time.” 

“It just kept going and going,” he said. “And I realized how lucky I was to have hours worth of…you know if each of these memories was quick and I had hours of them. How fortunate was I? And I didn’t want to be sad, I wanted to be grateful not sad. I’m still thinking about those memories and will live with those memories in my heart and I will love him forever.” 

Read the full transcript of Vedder’s emotional statement below via Rolling Stone.

Sometimes it’s hard to concentrate these days. I was thinking about the history of this building and the Bowie history. So I started to think about that and my mind began to wander. It’s not a good…

So I haven’t really been talking about some things and I kind of… now it feels like it’s conspicuous because I lost a really close friend of mine, somebody who…(applause).

I’ll say this too, I grew up as 4 boys, 4 brothers and I lost my brother 2 years ago tragically like that in an accident and after that and losing a few other people, I’m not good at it, meaning I’m not…I have not been willing to accept the reality and that’s just how I’m dealing with it (applause starts).

No, no, no, no

So I want to be there for the family, be there for the community, be there for my brothers in my band, certainly the brothers in his band. But these things will take time but my friend is going to be gone forever and I will just have to…

These things take time and I just want to send this out to everyone who was affected by it and they all back home and here appreciate it so deeply the support and the good thoughts of a man who was a … you know he wasn’t just a friend he was someone I looked up to like my older brother.

About two days after the news, I think it was the second night we were sleeping in this little cabin near the water, a place he would’ve loved. And all these memories started coming in about 1:30am like woke me up. Like big memories, memories I would think about all the time. Like the memories were big muscles.

And then I couldn’t stop the memories. And trying to sleep it was like if the neighbors had the music playing and you couldn’t stop it. But then it was fine because then it got into little memories. It just kept going and going and going. And I realized how lucky I was to have hours worth of…you know if each of these memories was quick and I had hours of them. How fortunate was I?! And I didn’t want to be sad, wanted to be grateful not sad. I’m still thinking about those memories and I will live with those memories in my heart and I will…love him forever.