We’re only three shows in but this seemed like a fine moment to share this piece…

Waking up with a beard full of glitter, a headache that felt like Trey clocked him on the head with a guitar at least a thousand times, and a body that quite possibly could’ve been hit by a train (all the booze and party favors clouded his memory, so getting run over by a subway car was a valid conclusion as to why he was in such rough shape), a friend of mine he gathered up all his energy to lift his head as he looked at me and said, “I’m so glad this run was only four nights. Five would definitely kill me.” He recovered from his four nights of raging months ago, totally forgetting about his fate if Phish played for more than four nights in one venue. And then the band announced the Baker’s Dozen. Thirteen nights of shows at Madison Square Garden happening July 21st thru August 6th in New York freakin City. Hellz yeah! And Yikes!

My friend is planning on getting back on the train by going to all thirteen of the shows and I don’t want his cause of death to be more than four consecutive Phish shows. Not only do I desire for him to make it out of the Baker’s Dozen alive, but I would spontaneously combust into a pile of dirt, sand, and biodegradable glitter, if after the thirteenth night was over, he returned home healthy with the energy to run like an antelope.

I created this list of thirteen ways to survive (and thrive) at Phish’s Baker’s Dozen for him. And you too.

1. Don’t rage like there’s no tomorrow every night. Practice moderation most of the time if you want to make it out alive. Before you drink and take all the things, take a couple of deep breaths and think about what your intention is. Often times we get so caught up in the habit of taking party favors that we don’t think about if we actually want to be doing those things. If you decide, “Yes. I want to do all of those things,” don’t repeat the next couple of nights.

2. Drink the most water you’ve ever drank. If you think you drank enough water, drink a little more. How much is the correct amount for you? Divide how much you weigh in pounds by two. That’s the amount of ounces you should be drinking on a normal day. The American College of Sports Medicine recommends adding twelve ounces of water to your daily intake for every thirty minutes that you plan to work out. If you dance as hard as I do, it totally counts as a workout. Tip: Bring your own plastic bottle tops. The vendors take them off before giving you the water you purchased raising your risk of spillage. After you buy one bottle, you can refill it at water fountains or the bathroom sinks.

3. Don’t forget to eat. I sound like a Jewish grandmother (I had two of them and I speak fluent bubby). Show days fly by so quickly sometimes that before you know it, you’ve gone all day without eating a thing and now you’re in the venue with an empty stomach. Going off on your best bud for shouting, “Wilson” after that last one when you’re not supposed to yell, “Wilson,” you realize that you’re hangry. Instead of eating, you march yourself to the vending area to wet your whistle with a beer. And then another one. And then you fall asleep during set break snoozing thru the entire second set. Don’t be that guy (or lady). Make it one of your top priorities (like as important as making sure you have your tickets) to get some good nutrition in that hot bod of yours. NYC is full of restaurants and cafes that offer many healthy choices like smoothies, sandwiches, salads, juices, stir fries, sushi, etc. Nom nom nom.

4. Don’t let FOMO get the best of you. In NYC, there are so many exciting things happening at all hours of the day and night. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced this, but there’s a strong magnetic pull that draws you in and doesn’t spit you out until the sun starts to rise. Resist the dark side of the force! You can’t do it all. Well you can, but then you might not make it out of the Baker’s Dozen alive. Pick and choose which pre-show parties and late night shows you absolutely can’t miss and go to only those. As for the others, skip them this time. I promise the world won’t implode if you’re not there.

5. Sleep your way to the top. One of the most crucial activities that you must not forget about if you want to survive the Baker’s Dozen is sleeping. If you party it up at a late night show, sleep in. If you don’t go to a late night show, but danced your booty off at the main event, sleep in. Take naps. Rage your sleep! Tip: If you’re staying in a hotel with a bunch of people or crashing at a friend’s apartment with all your friends, bring a sleep mask to block out the light and ear plugs to cancel out the snoring and/or late night partying.

6. Stop, drop, and meditate. Going to Phish shows is super stimulating to all of your senses. Add in the hustle and bustle of New York City and it’s a recipe for disaster. The good news is you have a superpower. No matter how chaotic everything is around you, you have the ability to take a little vacation away from it all in your very own mind. Tip: Find a space you can sit uninterrupted for a minute or more. Set a timer on your phone for at least a minute. Focus on the air coming in and out of your nose. When you notice a thought come into your head, observe it like it’s a cloud passing by in the sky. Bring awareness back to the air coming in and out of your nose. Another cool meditation trick is to take your pointer fingers and plug your ears closed. Close your eyes and hum.

7. Use the buddy system. Safety first! Once at a late night party at the lake near where I lived, my drunk friend exclaimed, “Don’t worry about me. I’m a lifeguard. I’ll save myself!” right before she leaped in. Even though she was a strong swimmer and in fact a lifeguard, she still required buddies to ensure her safety. Even if you think you’re fine and know the city like the back of your hand, don’t wander off alone. You never know who is lurking about wanting to cause trouble for you. Stick with at least one other person and make sure it’s someone who you trust who’ll not only have your back, but you don’t have to worry about them wandering off on you.  Also make sure someone knows where you’re at too. Don’t be that guy (or lady) whose friends spend their night worried sick about your whereabouts. Instead of raging the show, they’re out searching for you and calling every police station and hospital in town when you went home without telling anyone, passed out in the stairway, and turned off your phone. And that’s the best case scenario.

8. Stretch. Thirteen nights of shows is enough to make a gold medal winning Olympic long distance runner sore. The cure to sore muscles isn’t more cowbell (even though it can’t hurt), it’s stretching. Stretch like you are in fact training for the Olympics. First thing in the morning, before you go to bed, in line for the potties, and while waiting to get your ticket scanned. Key areas are your calves, thighs, hamstrings, booty, back, neck, and arms.

9. Restore. Human bodies can only handle so much and a Baker’s Dozen run is a doozy. The key to survival is to rest and reboot. Tips: Lie on the floor, close your eyes, and breathe. Do this in a safe space and not at the rail during the show. Find a restorative yoga class. NYC has a ton of studios to choose from. Get a massage. Make sure to read the reviews first so you don’t end up having to turn down a happy ending (if that’s not what you’re into) or getting hurt. Make friends with someone who’s staying in a hotel with a hot tub and take a soak.

10. Protect yourself from getting the wook flu. You want to make it through the entire run without missing shows because you’re too ill to attend, right? And once you achieve that goal, you want to feel great after it’s over too, true? If you answered yes, wash your hands often, avoid sharing drinks, take a shower before getting into bed, swallow your vitamins, and ingest stuff that boosts immunity like echinacea, oil of oregano, raw garlic, ginger, and elderberry.

11. Get out in nature. If there’s one thing that is good for the recharging the spirit, it’s the great outdoors. You don’t even have to leave the city to experience it as NYC has many parks to choose from. New Jersey, Long Island, and New York State which are all a hop, skip, and a jump away are easily accessible by bus or train. Each place is chock full of trees to hug, paths to hike on, lakes to plunge into, and oceans to float on.

12. Surrender to the flow. Stress is one of the biggest killers today. Don’t let thirteen shows performed by your favorite band in one of the greatest cities in the world raise your blood pressure so high that it ends your time here on earth. Know that you’re at the right place, at the right time, surrounded by all the right people. I mean, you’re at a thirteen night Phish run! How lucky are you? Trust that everything will work out just as it’s supposed to for the highest good of all involved.

13. Remember to be grateful for it all. If you have the resources to be able to afford to go to thirteen Phish shows, there’s a place to lay your head at the end of the evening, you have clean water that’s readily available for your consumption, there’s an abundance of food options for you to choose from, you have friends who love you and have got your back, and you’ve got a body that can boogie down to all your favorite songs, then you’re doing pretty good. Don’t forget for even one second how lucky you are to experience something so legendary.

May you rock out as hard as Page’s side rages, Mike’s lipstick is blue, Fishman’s mumu is comfortable, and Trey shares his “I just played something epic” look. Don’t view the Baker’s Dozen as a series of concerts, but rather as an Iron Man Triathlon. Pace yourself, don’t go too hard, drink so much water, have fun along the way, and make memories that’ll last a lifetime. Before you know it, you’ll be crossing the finish line alongside thousands of cheering fans so have the best time ever dancing, hugging, laughing and smiling all while raging it to our favorite band in all the land for thirteen freakin nights. Woah doggy, are you in for a treat!

***

Taraleigh Weathers is a weird and wild sequin-and-feather wearin’ live music fanatic living in Burlington, Vermont. When she’s not at home enjoying the local live music scene, watching sunsets, or hanging out with her friends, she can be found gallivanting around the world leading retreats, writing, crafting online coaching programs for live music fans, or dancing at music festivals. Her latest book, How to Rock Your Life: A Live Music Lover’s Guide to Raging the Sweet Life, is slated for release this fall. To be the first to know about all of Taraleigh’s happenings, click HERE.