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Features

Chris Kuroda Still Shines (Part Two)

Chris on site, the day prior to Super Ball IX – Photo by Dave Vann © Phish 2011

Shortly before Phish’s Super Ball IX, Umphrey’s McGee lighting director Jeff Waful spent some time on the phone with Phish’s l.d. Chris Kuroda. While the initial purpose of the call was for a Q&A that ran in festival’s onsite newspaper, Ball Things Reconsidered, which we posted last week, —the conversation became surprisingly personal and candid between the two as they discussed the struggles of life on the road, artistic drive and emotional escapism.

Look for more with Kuroda on an upcoming episode of Jeff Waful +1.

You texted me the other night around 2 a.m. after a Phish show and said that you wanted to talk about life, not lights. What’s on your mind?

I just was sitting and thinking how interesting it is that this lifestyle is so unique compared to your 9-to-5 cubicle-going person. I reflecting on that and could just go on and on about how different [a job on the road is] and how it affects us and the things that we miss that go on in our family and personal life that we’re often not present for ‘cause we’re out here. It’s very unique and it takes a toll on us and those around us in a way that many people don’t understand.

Was there something specific that was going on that day that prompted you to text me?

I’m at a point in my life where it’s all starting to really take its toll on me and those around me. It’s been making the relationships that I have a little more trying. My daughter just turned eight and she’s at an age where she’s really dialed in to the whole thing and very aware of the fact that I’m missing things that are very important to her. She realizes that she’s kind of being single-parented. [My wife and I have] known it for a long time but she’s finally starting to clue into it as well and is asking questions to my wife like, “Why does Daddy miss everything?” “Why is he not here for my birthday? Why did he miss my piano recital? Why does he miss everything?”

It makes you stop and reflect a little bit. As long as I’m a touring person who makes his living by getting on airplanes to go to work, that’s something that’s going to consistently still be happening until I either retire or take a different path. It makes one ponder and reflect in a way that you have to make a decision and say, “Well this is what I’ve always done. This is what I do. This is what I’m best at, but these are the sacrifices that I’m making and these are the sacrifices that the people around me are making.”

As time goes on, you start to see those burdens get heavier and heavier on everybody you know. I’m in my mid-40s now and it catches up to you after a while and it makes you wonder what you’re giving up to live this life. What are the people around me giving up to let me live this life?

I can certainly relate, even being about ten years behind you. I go through the course of the day setting up, which is my least favorite part of the job, and questioning “Why am I doing this?” but then the magic of that three hours when the band is onstage happens and it’s affirming like, “Oh ok, now I remember why I do this.” You get that rush and it’s those magical moments that cause us to make these types of sacrifices, I suppose.

That’s very obviously why—that’s a very big piece of the pie as to why we like to do this. As you take yourself out of the responsibilities of being a husband, a father, a partner, even a friend—because a lot of my friendships have suffered because of my lack of presence in my personal life—it all comes down to having the opportunity to present your art to people and finding that they seem to like it. There’s a very personal satisfaction that goes into what we do. The three-hour Phish show is why I do this. I don’t do this to setup. I don’t do this because I enjoy drawing architectural plots at home and things like that. It all comes down to when the house lights go out. That’s why we’re here. That’s an incredibly powerful entity and that one single entity seems to outweigh so many other entities that make up the whole of a person.

Comments

There are 15 comments associated with this post

Jim July 11, 2011, 16:03:52

I would trade his life any day, any time. Want to talk about missing your family, try working 50-60 hours a week, 5-6 days a week, 50 weeks a year. You get home when the kids are ready to go to bed and you get up as they are getting ready to leave for school. I love Phish, but I can’t imagine with their current touring schedule that life is that rough on the road anymore. 40-50 dates a year. Yup, that is a couple of months away from home. That can never be easy, but it leaves you with 10 solid months of getting to pay attention to your family. I think most guys would give their left nut to have the opportunity to have that much free time on their hands, not to mention, having the opportunity to bring joy into so many people’s lives. Consider yourself a blessed man.

Jeff Volckhausen July 11, 2011, 16:18:39

Thank you Chris for you amazing dedication and passion to your craft. You are a brilliant lighting designer and operator. I’ve been seeing phish since 1992, around 250 shows, and to watch you progress and evolution with the band over the past decade has been absolutely inspiring. I got into the lighting field because of you, and am so grateful to have been motivated by your work. It fully inspired me to take up this hobby and passion, and I have really no one but you to thank for it. Keep up the amazing work, and if you ever get that lighting company going, I’d be happy to come work for you! Sounds like a wonderful idea, and a great way to bring your, or one’s art, into everyones daily lives! Super idea! peace and love,
Jeff

Shannon July 11, 2011, 20:36:52

I really appreciate the level of this interview. It is wonderful to hear artists talking about their real life experience, the struggles, the creativity, trying to balance healthy relationships with passion and work. We are all just human beings, and it’s nice to hear Chris opening up and being real. More articles and interviews like this please! Great work :)

chris p July 11, 2011, 21:16:14

Jim – Toph does a lot of other work besides Phish. and don’t forget Trey gigs, Mike, etc. he’s one of the hardest working guys in the biz. not to mention a good man.

crist July 12, 2011, 03:23:06

My kids love the rich lifestyle i allow them to live, but hate that I have to travel so much for them to live it. If daddy was home and broke i don’t think they would treat me much better.

Jim July 12, 2011, 10:06:02

I guess I came off a little harsh. I didn’t mean too. I just wanted to point out that although Chris is on the road a lot, and does do other projects besides Phish, he is indeed a fortunate person. I don’t think any job is easy, and who wants to be away from the family so much? No one does. But would things be any better if he had a 9-5 job, or a 8-6 job, or like some of us, and 7-6 job. It plain sucks being away from your family no matter what. He does get to do something for a living that is far more exciting and enjoyable than most people could ever hope for in a career though. I realize it is not without struggle and sacrifice. Thank you Mr. Kuroda and Phish. You guys are all at the top of your game now and hopefully living a heathier, happy life than in than in the past. Hopefully you are able to achieve a balance in it all that works for you and your family. Thank you for all that you do for all of us. Seeing Phish is one of the greatest experiences and adventures to be had in this country.

Brad July 12, 2011, 13:34:41

Jim said it best when he said:
I would trade his life any day, any time. Want to talk about missing your family, try working 50-60 hours a week, 5-6 days a week, 50 weeks a year. You get home when the kids are ready to go to bed and you get up as they are getting ready to leave for school. I love Phish, but I can’t imagine with their current touring schedule that life is that rough on the road anymore. 40-50 dates a year. Yup, that is a couple of months away from home. That can never be easy, but it leaves you with 10 solid months of getting to pay attention to your family. I think most guys would give their left nut to have the opportunity to have that much free time on their hands, not to mention, having the opportunity to bring joy into so many people’s lives. Consider yourself a blessed man.

Debby Downer July 12, 2011, 18:19:20

He comes of as a whiney bit@* in this interview. Just sayin

Dmc July 13, 2011, 13:42:20

wow… Now I’m depressed… If he’s not into the lifestyle it’s only going to get bad for him. The dude is brilliant but… he needs to “no mind” a bit more..

Cuss July 13, 2011, 14:23:47

i’ve probably seen phish 40 or so times (not too many) over 15 or so years and i can’t really remember anything THAT striking with the lights… maybe the music is good enough to distract, but still… sorry.

Randolphish July 13, 2011, 15:13:01

Your great at lights. Please seek counseling for your mid-life crisis. We are in a double dip recession and you get to make 6 figures a year working 6 months. Seek professional help!

deelon July 13, 2011, 15:17:04

Cuss: Did you make it to indio in 2009? If you don’t think that’s impressive than there must be something wrong with you. Great article that provides some good insight! thanks for sharing

Soyounoat July 13, 2011, 17:08:51

Hmmmm….is dude catholic? Cause he needs to lay off the guilt. Go seek some counseling – you are blessing your family with a career and its security and you get to indulge your passion. My husband lost his job after the co he worked for went under. On unemployment for almost a year. That sucked – sure he was home all the time but we had to take the kids outta all their extra activities for a while so he ended up missing out on stuff anyway. I realize ck5 wouldn’t be in this situation even if he gave up bright lights and big cities but I mean we all make sacrifices. Cheer up frowney pants!

Billy Breathes July 14, 2011, 17:17:01

I have been seeing Phish since Kuroda’s very first gig with the band. It is amazing what he has done over the years. In many ways, he has changed the entire lighting industry. I hope he finds some pleasure and joy in what he is doing. We all get burnt out at some point in our careers though, even with the best job in the world. Maybe by Phish dialing back the touring a little over the next year will keep everyone fresh and ready for the road. I hope he would never choose to leave Phish, he is the fifth member and his light show is a HUGE part of the mind blowing experience that is PHISH.

Chris Bowman July 14, 2011, 18:37:30

I consider Chris K to be both a good friend and one of my very favorite people to work with professionally. We’ve spent many hours constructing the details of gigs we’ve worked on in tandem, always for the greater good of the show. I find him to be a completely dedicated person, who balances the technical and artistic facets of his work; and to put a sharp point on it ~ he takes whatever time is necessary to “come correct”.... always. I think some of the snarky commentary about this intimate article misses the point by a laughable longshot…. Which (to me, at least…. ), when “boiled down to gravy”, is that it’s hard damn work being as good as both of these guys are, in their respective roles in the outstanding organizations they are a part of….