Patti Smith stood in for Bob Dylan at the Nobel Prize ceremony in Stockholm last week to perform his “A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall” as Dylan was honored with the Nobel Prize for Literature. The performance got off to a very obviously shaky start, with Smith having to pause early on and restart. 

As she recounts in The New Yorker, the inner monologue in her head is as terrifying as you’d imagine. “The first verse was passable, a bit shaky,” she says. After she was certain she’d settle down, she was met with every performer’s worst fear. “Instead I was struck with a plethora of emotions, avalanching with such intensity that I was unable to negotiate them. From the corner of my eye, I could see the huge boom stand of the television camera, and all the dignitaries upon the stage and the people beyond. Unaccustomed to such an overwhelming case of nerves, I was unable to continue. I hadn’t forgotten the words that were now a part of me. I was simply unable to draw them out.”

Smith says as she took her seat, she was “felt the humiliating sting of failure, but also the strange realization that I had somehow entered and truly lived the world of the lyrics.” 

The essay wraps up with an inspirational twist, however. The next day, Smith was greeted by a number of Nobel scientists who commended her on her performance. They said her performance “seemed a metaphor for our own struggles,” adding that she continued to receive words of kindness throughout the day. “In the end I had to come to terms with the truer nature of my duty. Why do we commit our work? Why do we perform? It is above all for the entertainment and transformation of the people. It is all for them. The song asked for nothing. The creator of the song asked for nothing. So why should I ask for anything?”

Watch the performance below.