Last night, HBO aired the Kurt Cobain documentary Montage of Heck, an extremely intimate, powerful film depicting the life of the late Nirvana frontman. At times, the film is simply to painful to watch, which speaks to the thorough and relentless effort by director Brett Morgen and his team to reveal the depths of Cobain’s troubles. Make no mistake, this is the definitive Kurt Cobain documentary and should be regarded as such moving forward. A+, 10/10, five stars, two thumbs up. It’s brutal honesty will shake you to your core as you take the haunted ride through Cobain’s shortened, doomed life. Whatever visceral reaction you have during the 134 minute film, remembering that the main character experienced this over 27 years makes it all the more difficult to deal with.

Montage of Heck utilizes home movies and Cobain’s personal journal to aid interviews with the likes of his mother, past girlfriends, Courtney Love and Krist Novoselic, among others. The result is a stirring look at the now-iconic musician, as we’re granted access to his most intimate moments including family struggles, bouts with heroin, inability to handle fame. That, as you’d expect, leads to some downright heartbreaking, gut-wrenching scenes and quotes as the end of the story draws near. Here are five that’ll turn your stomach. 

Krist Novoselic

One of the encouraging things about Montage of Heck is that it doesn’t come right out of the gates and hit you with a bunch of suicide talk. This isn’t an investigative piece on why Cobain killed himself. This isn’t a PSA on suicide prevention. It’s the brutally honest story of his life that ends with his suicide. The heaviest discussion of Cobain’s suicide comes from bandmate Krist Novoselic, and it’s one devastating gut punch after another.

Novoselic, who has said previously he still dreams of Cobain, says things like “hindsight is 20/20” and “how could I not see it?” among other regret-filled statements. Novoselic is reserved and insightful throughout, offering up his two cents on things like why Cobain felt so attached to Courtney Love, why fame bothered him. A theme throughout was Cobain’s inability to tolerate being embarrassed, which stems from his early childhood. “Kurt hated being humiliated,” Novoselic says. Above all, hearing the regret in his voice when he talks about Kurt’s suicide will send chills down your spine. 

Kurt’s Illustrations as a Child

Morgen does an outstanding job showcasing Cobain’s art, both musically and otherwise, as a direct highway into his mind and heart. They anchor the story, as Cobain goes from the lovable (man, was he a cute kid) Aberdeen, WA child to troubled, tortured teenager and eventual doomed rockstar. The illustrations go from Goofy, Mickey Mouse and Santa Claus to demonic pictures, commentary on society and other troubling images. Specifically, the images depicting happier times hit you hard as you see the impending doom drawing near. 

The trouble begins when Cobain’s parents split and he begins a tumultuous relationship with his stepmother (“the evil stepmother” he calls her at one point in a voiceover). The souring of that relationship leads to a revolving door of homes with various family members, all ending in disaster. At one point, the stepmother says, “I don’t know what someone does when they’re rejected by their whole family.” We would soon, sadly, find out.

Kurt and Courtney on Heroin

Montage of Heck isn’t about hearing people talk about the drug use or dark times, it’s about seeing it for yourself. Living it, much like Cobain did. Yes, there is a home video of Kurt Cobain and then-wife Courtney Love strung out on heroin and it’s among the film’s most disturbing, unwatchable, heartbreaking moments. The scene feels like it lasts a lifetime, but never feels unnecessary or sensationalized. Part of the brutal honesty that makes Montage of Heck brilliant. 

The scene doesn’t need any sort of setup or descriptors. What you see is two people completely submitting to the life of a junkie. 

When Cobain’s Mother Heard Nevermind

Throughout the film, Cobain’s mother shows the most amount of foresight. She says early on that she had some sort of premonition that Kurt was headed down a dark path due to trouble in their family and his reactions to it all. As it turns out, mother does in fact know best. O’Connor said she was most sad when Kurt played her the mastered tape of Nevermind for the first time. 

“I almost cried,” she said of her reaction, knowing instantly her son was about to vault to a level of fame many thought was unattainable. “I said, ‘You better buckle up because you are not ready for this.'” 

Kurt and Frances Bean

It’s easy to say, but really the most difficult thing to watch was Kurt interacting with his newborn daughter, Frances Bean. His journal entries that flash across the screen convey some feeling of guilt or responsibility to any fault Frances Bean may have in life. “I don’t want her to be screwed up,” he wrote in one entry. It’s all tortured soul stuff, and sadly signaled the beginning of the end for Cobain. In one of the last home videos you see, the guitarist is sitting with Frances on his lap, rail-thin and marked up from all the heroin use, trying to focus as Courtney cuts her hair. 

“Don’t let our daughter see you like that,” Courtney snaps at Kurt. “I’m not on drugs, I’m just tired,” he responds as a crying Frances Bean sits on his lap.